Speaking with myself (No. 75)

I talk with the voices of my past. That is so corny.

I've been thinking through my transfer applications for some good time now. We're going through the process, yet again. Sometimes, people mention how it's such a slog. Sometimes, I don't disagree at all-- it can feel like a slog of beating your chest and trying to assume a pseudo-humble, pseudo-intellectual tone. On the other hand, if the process is done right, it is a deeply introspective and thoughtful endeavor.

I've really only allocated three days for my entire set of new applications. Of course, I had sent in one for the University of Washington, which only required a personal statement. I also have one for Brown University, which was, honestly, more of a draft version. (I recall being slightly distraught about the Brown one, because I felt like I could've made it so much better and up to code...)

In theory, I would have much more than a week. Stanford's application is due next Saturday, on the 15th, as are the rest of them. I went and scheduled my externship for the week right before this Saturday, though. I'm set to go to Washington-- oh, I haven't quite mentioned that! I'm doing an externship in the San Juan Islands, the island chain off the coast of Seattle. It is completely out there, and un-major related. I'll be doing conservation, sustainability stuff, butterfly habitat restoration and the like. I also got a huge infusion of funding. And I'll be flying in by seaplane. Oh my gosh.

This means, though, that I have much less time to write my essays, then it appears. Today's Sunday. I have half of Monday, tomorrow, to sort of polish my writings, and then I gotta prepare for my awesome trip.

However, it's not like I'm only starting to think about these things now. I have this blog to think about! A whole repository of thought processes, ponderings, doubt and confusion, bold claims that did and didn't come to fruition. I have this recollection of thoughts that are just available here.

That's just the blog. My stats on 750words.com tell me that I've written a collective 100,000+ words on that platform alone. That's a novel, or several. Granted, I'm sure a good portion of those words are on the same theme-- this is the only way, believe in yourself, have conviction, you are so so so cool David (okay not the last one).

Oh, and I also have my thoughts that I stored in Obsidian. I feel like I've kinda given up on that, and the whole Zettelkasten philosophy of creating networks and connections between your ideas. I still use Obsidian a lot, sometimes in lieu of Google Docs. I feel, though, that Google Docs has a little more life and charm... maybe because I've used it so long. Regardless, I'm trying to say I have so many thoughts to think about, and thoughts I've already thought through. In a way, this allows me to converse with my own self, my past self, and see and read what he was thinking about.

I'm very thankful that I've been thinking. Think, think, think. That's all we're really doing, right. Think and do and learn and study. It's all in the head. What's really going on there, I don't know.

Writing is a way to pierce the inherent short-term-ness of yourself, and see a bigger picture. It's been key for my own relationship with the Self, and who I think I am. Who do I think I am? Right now, it's a mix. I firmly feel like I am student, though. Being a student has a deeper connotation than it did before. At the very least, I aim to be a student, in the sense that I aim to have the essence of study-tude. Never mind. I'm just saying words at this point.

Back to my main point. I'm curious to what I'll find while reading through all my former thoughts. I know I have a lot.

We'll see.