Pleasant Summer Prayers - (No. 82)

A pleasant liberal arts day. I also plan three years of my life.

I just finished a wonderful interview with Eric Schubert of the United Methodist Church for my Housing Research job. I will sit down and write my report now. (In fact, I did not sit down and write that report. In fact, I am on my way to play indoor football with the International Soccer Club).

I feel pleasant. I feel like summer is here. I look outside and the skies are fluffy and vibrant. The air is warm and sticky. The admitted students walk around and they have the best experience. The flowers are budding, the leaves are growing. We have made through the winter.

I had a nap this afternoon, after gorging on four of Alex's off-brand Nutella cookies and falling asleep to reading Daniel Ellsberg's The Doomsday Machine. It turns out that universal nuclear destruction is a heavy topic, heavy enough to leaden my eyelids and lull me to a sweet afternoon nap. I slept deeply, my upper bunk basked in the open sunlight and fresh air of the window propped open.

It took me some time to wake up. I flickered in between conscious states for a while, and then eventually managed to remotely activate my YouTube Music from my watch and start playing Offset. I laid in bed for a few songs, before getting up and getting out. The weather is sublime; the admissions people were showing kids around our dorm. I biked to the HSSC, found a spot in the Atrium, and continued the work I did this afternoon. I was planning a hypothetical six more semesters here at Grinnell. It might all be for naught. I have no money and I haven't told financial aid. See, so I ought to transfer out and see the world.

At the same time, I feel compelled to stay and embrace the bits of knowledge and liberal education I may get here. If it comes to it, I will become a mathematics major-- the only "redundant" course is Foundations of Abstract Algebra. It is the only class that doesn't quite stir me. My other idea was to create an independent study focusing on Data Science for the Humanities. That entails much statistics courses, but also three more math courses (Graph Theory, A Second Course in Linear Algebra, and Foundations of Analysis). However, if I but add one final course for Foundations of Abstract Algebra, I would just end up with the math major! I'd have a math major and a concentration in statistics, as well as many many other classes smattered about in the humanities. I planned for a rich smattering of philosophy, English, one each of music and philosophy, and even three courses in Latin. I wish to learn things that I can't otherwise, that I can't learn outside of formal education. Then, it'd be all worth it. Maybe I take CSC151, the functional programming course and the notoriously messy Racket language that the CS professors wrote up. Regardless, I'd have a strong background in statistics, a good foundation for higher level math, and many enriching and enticing humanities courses. I'll have knowledge about Latin, and perhaps even Spanish (though that's on my own time).

This also entails that I'll stay for a full four years of undergraduate instead of graduating in three years. It also accommodates a semester of study-abroad, perhaps in Madrid! In that semester, I hope to study philosophy, religion, and music. Language-- I hope to pick up Spanish on my own, in my summers. I could do a lot in those summers. In the end, my vision is I sustain whatever creative interests I may have with some work in data science / analytics. Latin came out of nowhere, but I realized that this is a wonderful chance to learn Latin-- when else? Self-studying a deceased language might be difficult. They offer a Greek class; maybe I take one or two. Would I become a classics major? I doubt it.

Now I gotta figure out how I might stay. One of the reasons for leaving were on purely experiential terms. I should try living in a place outside of Iowa; I should see the world. The thing is, I realized that there aren't any crippling limitations preventing me from seeing the world from Iowa, though you'd need to expend more effort. What I don't want to lose, however, is my liberal arts perspective of the world.

Is this idealistic? Very much so. In some cases, I should take the advice to graduate early and to keep moving on. You don't necessarily have to be in college to learn. Learning and studying are fine distinctions to make. I can learn throughout my life. However, there is no need to rush my lovely time as an undergraduate (will this sentiment change the longer I progress? most definitely... but you ought to act how you feel in the moment and not suppress your current stirrings, not yet anyway). I can stay and I can learn and I may still travel the world.

I still need to figure out the money though. I knew I'd be broke, but never would it be this bad.

I stopped by St. Mary's after the interview. Perhaps I was worried the Methodists had influenced me. Maybe I was subconsciously defending the faith. I recall Eti going to dinner with the Jehovah Witnesses and being able to back up his faith. I ought to learn and know what I profess-- how else would you live the faith? In the church, I saw a portrait of Pope Francis and a rosary. I thought it'd be a good time to learn how to pray the rosary. Pope Francis was the first person who genuinely stirred me to learn the rosary and to pray it. I felt the urge when he was sick, but never acted on it. Now is a good time as any. I prayed, aloud, in Vietnamese. It sounded strange, but so so lyrical-- the Vietnamese tones and syllables bouncing around the church. I had lit the candle and it was slowly burning. When I got up, my knees were numb and spasming. It was only a quarter of an hour. I feel more connected with my Vietnamese. The words felt a little uncomfortable from disuse, though eventually, I warmed up and they flew off the tongue. I wonder if I could schedule a Vietnamese prayer time with Yen, the other Vietnamese-American Catholic in my dorm. The Vietnamese prayers feel more intimate, more familial to me.